I know I REALLY should not do this, but I am excited to hear from everyone what you think of the draft of my prologue.
Here it goes:
"I knew what was happening even if I didn’t know the reason why. I was falling. It was unmistakable. Surely I must have hoped loud enough they had actually heard me, but what did this mean? The air moved around me with great velocity but as I glanced around me, instead, everything moved with such delicacy.
What ever would I do once I arrived? Will I even remember this past life? I closed my eyes and resigned myself to the feeling of peace the wind beneath brought to me. Soon enough it will all be over."
©Lucy Swing/ Feathermore4life
::Bites nuckle::
A little tease to get everyone wondering, let me know what you guys think!
You can also follow me on twitter: http://twitter.com/luceduceswing
Have a great day y'all!
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Catchy start, Lucy! It makes me want to know who is this person? Why are they falling? What other existence? Those are the kinds of questions that can keep a reader turning the pages!
ReplyDeleteThank you SO much! This is the first book i am determined to finish and i am trying really hard to make it the best i can :) I appreciate you taking the time to comment (especially since you liked it!)
ReplyDeleteMuah
I want to keep reading! Seems like you have a good start to it. How far along are you with the writing on the book?? I have read tidbits here and there on your blog and it's great! Keep it up :)
ReplyDelete-Mallory
Mal, I love you :) I would say I am 3/4 done, but I keep going back and adding more and sometimes even changing stuff, so I couldn't be 100% sure. Hope all is well!
ReplyDeleteIt's really good! As I have no idea (at all!) what it's about, it reminds me of Alice in Wonderland... perhaps a little darker?
ReplyDeleteGreat stuff x
A disclaimer first, I am not published, and I might ever be… so take what I say with a grain of salt. The areas I’ll comment on is what I have learned over a few years of diligent study: since I don’t have a teacher, I could be wrong.
ReplyDeleteTaking criticism is hard, but a very important process for any author… for we do not know how good we do until we share what we’ve done.
I do like the “idea” of it, but the key to any begging is to set up important information: i.e. sex and age of character, time and place. We use this info to connect to a piece of writing.
I am intrigue, and that’s surprising since you failed to enlighten me… just think if you made me see the character and place clearly.
The dialog is a long piece of work without a reference.
Watch over using “was” it is a sign you are telling.
Instead of: I knew what was happening even though I could not understand the reasons why. The one certainty was that I was falling
I would write:
Falling face first I looked around confused. Where am I? How did I get here?
Or:
I cringe with the sensation of falling; I look around but nothings familiar.
These are examples only; I am not saying this is how your start should read. Only that it shows you to bring the reader in by showing rather than telling. If your MC falls I want to feel it, I want my stomach to tighten from the sensation… like the wind rushed through my hair…
Your goal is to tickle my senses, use active words and show me your world through your MCs eyes. What does she see, what does she smell and feel?
I could go on… I have been in your shoes… never give up, and never stop learning.