FOREVERMORE - CHAPTER ONE

 

FOREVERMORE

Book 3, Forevermore Trilogy

Lucy Swing

CHAPTER ONE

They say that darkness comes with the night, but for me ... it was always coming.

Sometimes, it was a whisper in my mind; others, it was an ex-boyfriend turned murderous demon. This time, it was a mixture of the two. Lucky me.

"Kill them. Kill them all!"

The screams echoed in my head. The voices had been quiet for so long, that it took me a moment to realize I was the only one hearing them. Surprisingly, it was a man's voice this time, but not Lucifer's. This voice was lower and raspier, like a menacing growl. "Kill them," it whispered again.

Closing my eyes for a short moment, I tried to will it away. This certainly was not the time to start dealing with them again.

I steadied myself, trying to concentrate. Unfortunately, all my thoughts led me on a path to Lucifer—to the darkness that had begun swirling within me. The past year had been filled with countless events that led me into this forsaken path of death and destruction. The memories of the people I lost, those I hurt, and the ones who got lost in this twisted path came crashing down on me. A weight that rested on my shoulders heavily. I carried this guilt … so much hurt and agony. It’s his fault, I reminded myself. Lucifer had orchestrated such evil schemes to get to me. And soon enough, from the looks of it, he would.

Beads of sweat gathered on my forehead. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this, I chanted this mantra repeatedly, hoping the more I said it, the more I'd believe it.

One glance over at Avan, my ex-boyfriend turned demon, and I knew we were in trouble. His eyes were red and fiery; no trace of the blues I knew rested behind them. Those same eyes that entrapped me what seemed like a lifetime ago. Time stood still waiting for any kind of recognition from him, anything that would show me that the person I once loved was somewhere in there.

It had only been a week or so since we saved him. I went through the very pits of Hell for him, and even sold myself to the Devil himself. Yet, here we were, in this awful predicament.

It was crazy to think how much we had all changed in just a few short months. After all we had been though, who wouldn't? Although Blake, the person I was literally made for, would say we had grown. We had all had our own fights to deal with, and Avan had had it pretty bad. Deceived by Lilith and her sick obsession with her late Gourd husband—a monstrous creation using the blood of her late husband, infused into its latest victim ... Avan.

Nate tried to help him learn to control his new self, the powers that came with it, and the ever changing emotions. It just wasn’t enough. No one could blame either of them. I knew firsthand how hard dealing with a new existence could be. For my part, Lilith also took what mattered most to me … my parents. Killed for no other reason than to provoke me.

As for Avan's case, he had to leave his family behind, and forget life as he knew it. For a brief moment, it seemed like he would be able to pull through, but the second I made my choice on whom I truly loved, Avan lost whatever little humanity he had been holding on to.

There was no easy choice, but if it came down to saving us, I would do whatever it took to make sure we survived. No demon would destroy us. Not even him - after I went through Hell to save him. I couldn't get over that fact. However, there was no way that I could have turned my back on him and leave him to rot. Right now, though, he was leaving me no choice.

My eyes fell onto Blake's unconscious, bloody body. Avan had a handful of Blake's shirt, holding him in the air for us to see. Right now, all I cared about was Blake's safety. Avan must've noticed me glancing longingly, and it appeared to make him angrier. He immediately tightened his grip on him. He wanted me to be his. To pick him to be with, and I couldn't do that. His eyes were fixed on me, so it was imperative that I calculated every movement from here on out. Taking a few deep breaths, I willed my face to be as emotionless as possible. If he couldn't read me, then maybe we would have a chance. My heart ached, but it never showed. Steel, cold features lived on my face now.

His mouth was contorted into a vicious smile, baring his bright white teeth that seemed to sparkle under the moonlight. His red eyes regarded me with hatred. When he changed, so did his body - growing a few inches taller and impressive muscles that would make a bodybuilder whimper with jealousy. If that wasn't bad enough, it looked that the angrier he got, the bigger he grew.

His eyes moved slowly through the crowd, glancing at both of my friends, before they rested on me again. He studied me for a moment longer, straightening himself. Then he fell back into statue mode—motionless and silent—which made him even more frightening.

My face stayed the same, emotionless. He let go of Blake's shirt, his body crumpled onto the dewy grass with a soft thud. His eyes remained closed and his face was covered in a mixture of dirt, bruises and blood.

For a very brief moment, the façade faltered. My first instinct was to run toward him. Steadying myself, I controlled the urge to make another move. I would not give Avan the satisfaction of getting a chance to kill us both. I would not lose Blake. Now that I had made my choice, and I finally saw what was real and what was not, I didn't want to waste another second without him. It was a strange feeling at first, feeling love for them both. Soon I realized that no love is the same, and what I felt for Avan couldn't even compare to the connection I shared with Blake. Of course, being in the mess, my heart still ached for Avan; a part of me still loved him. He was my first love. He had stuck with me when I was broken inside, and taken the time to help put me back together. Even now, in his own twisted way, he was doing all of this because he loved me. Unfortunately, his kind of love was not the same as it had been before. It was frantic … an obsession. 

Avan's predator eyes watched my every move, waiting for the right moment to attack.

Without breaking eye contact, I called to my friends, "Nate! Get him out of here!"

Avan's eyes darted from me to them. His muscles stiffened as he turned to go after them. A threatening growl grew from deep in his chest.   

They both skidded to a halt. Eyes wide with panic. Demons were known to be volatile and feral.

"Avan," I said, trying to catch his attention. "Avan," I repeated, almost cooing. Having to pretend to be nice to him this way, even or just a moment, caused nausea to creep up my throat. "Come on, leave them be. It's me that you want, right?"

His vicious red eyes came to rest on me once again. In my peripheral vision, I saw a blur of movement as Nate rushed toward Blake. With a quick nod to Nate, he and Claire scooped Blake's unconscious body up and disappeared. For the first time, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. At least, no more danger would come to any of them. If I died … well, there was nothing I could do about that.

There was no need to keep the pretense with Avan, but now I was trying to survive. "I'm the one who messed everything up. Aren't I the whole reason we're here?" Lifting my arms, I motioned to our surroundings. The night was clear, with endless stars in the sky. Music thumped from inside of the stony school shell, and neon lights flashed through the tall windows, making the building seem alive. This was one graduation party that I would never forget.

It was very brief, and I wasn't even sure I saw it at all, but for just a second, the blue of his mortal eyes flashed through them. His features contorted in a different way ... pain, maybe. It was something I knew all too well. After all, I was going through the very same thing myself. It was a look of knowing that the darkness within was winning, and there was no way of stopping it. No way to shut it out. Inside of himself the battle between his demon and his good-natured mortal side were raging. Once it started, there was no turning back. Like a wildfire spreading across the land, claiming and destroying everything in its path.

Unfortunately, for me, the demon was still undefeated.

The fire in his beautiful eyes returned and won the brief battle. He closed the distance between us with just a few steps.

My thoughts wandered to Blake, needing to get to wherever they were soon. If he was badly hurt, I was the only one who could heal him ... or worse, save him. But I hoped it wouldn't come down to that. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

If Avan noticed they were gone, he didn't seem to care.       

"How could you?" His voice sounded distorted, like it didn't belong to such a handsome boy. It was the strangeness in his voice that pulled me back from the empty space where Blake's body had just occupied. His voice was deep but held a hint of his newfound edge.

“It’s not that simple.” I sighed, shaking my head. “I didn’t want to hurt you! I tried to give us a chance—” I started, but he cut me off.

“A chance?” Shaking his head, he threw his arms up in the air, as a loud laugh emerged from deep in his chest.

A few students who had come out for some fresh, cooler air had gathered outside of the school doors. They watched intently, but still managed to take some selfies.

“When exactly did you give us a chance, Jade? I’ve only been back for a week! You didn’t give us anything.” The blue was shining through again, and oh, what a beautiful blue it was. It was like staring at the ocean—calm, pure, and endless. They had a way of capturing me; a way that would simply leave me breathless, erase the world around me, and just encase me in their many shades. “Why didn’t you just leave me to rot in Hell? Why did you go through all of that if you loved him?”

Truth hurts, but it’s also necessary. Although, in this case, I feared it would do more harm than anything else. Pulling my eyes away from his, I focused on the grass underneath my feet. Words failed me. I took a few deep breaths before I looked back up at him. The stubble that was growing around his jaw made him look older, more intimidating.

“I stayed alive for you,” he whispered. His shoulders slumped, an air of defeat in his posture.

I winced. Truth hurts, I reminded myself. His words, though they were spoken softly, cut me deeper than any other weapon ever could. I had betrayed him. Even when I had tried to do the right thing by him, I was still hurting him. Watching him as he stood there, so alone and lonely, it killed me. Even if I didn’t quite like him right now, a small part of me would always love him. I wanted to reach out to him, hug him and try to make it better, but I couldn’t. Mostly, for fear he would rip my head off. 

In the Angel hierarchy I was all the way at the top. A Seraph. A celestial being passionate about doing God’s work. Used often as a portal between realms, protected by everyone. However, right now, I thought about how maybe they should change my ranking. I was truly beginning to feel that I was the Angel of Death instead. My parents were murdered by Lilith’s hand as she tried to get my powers to emerge. Avan, although not technically dead, was not quite himself, either.

“I’m really sorry, Avan. I truly, truly am. I don’t know what to do anymore.” The wall I had built around me was cracking. I had been strong for so long. Had done everything I thought I should be doing, and in the end, what good came out of anything I did? To hurt Avan this way? For Blake to be laying somewhere hurt, possibly dying?

“Be with me.” He took a few more steps forward, his voice was low, filled with pleading and hope. What he was asking of me was impossible. There was no way we could ever go to what it used to be. No matter how much—or little when he was trying to kill me—I loved him, my heart had been tampered with, and it now belonged to someone else.

My heart would forevermore be Blake’s.

There was an undeniable feeling of helplessness. I wanted to fall onto my knees, scream at the top of my lungs, and cry. If I could freeze time, I would do that, too. It was debilitating how frustrated I felt. No matter how much I wanted to do the right thing, no matter how much I tried to be fair, I could never betray my own heart. I wouldn’t, and couldn’t be with someone that didn’t belong by my side.

Closing my eyes, I prayed for answers I knew wouldn't come. I couldn't have lived with myself if I had left him in Hell to die, or much worse, become one of them.  Although, in the end, he was turning into the one thing I tried to save him from. Still, I couldn't live with myself for hurting him this way. It was one of those conundrums where no matter how much I tried, it was futile. A feeling of unworthiness was all that was left in me.

“I’m sorry. I can’t be with you that way.” I was silent for a moment, waiting as he processed my words. Watching as the muscles in his arms tensed one by one. “I can be your friend, your Guardian, if you’d let me. We could work this out.” I motioned to the space between us.

His breathing quickened and his eyes were aflame with hate. He seemed ready to rip someone—and by someone, I meant me—to shreds.

“I could help you,” I pushed through.       

Like before, he threw his head back and laughed loud and wildly, obviously amused with my plan. His manic laughter echoed through the school grounds, causing a soft rumble on the ground. Something caught my eye. More and more students were gathering by the school building, whispering amongst themselves. Avan was still oblivious to anything other than us, but with the witness count growing, I had to get him out of there. Pronto.

“How can you help me when all I want to do is kill you?” he snarled, taking another step forward. The white of his knuckles were easy to spot even in the darkness, as he clenched and unclenched his fists.

Wow.

I wanted to snap back at him, anything that could take the sting of his words away. Instead, I stayed quiet, almost unfazed by him, waiting for his next move. He slid his fingers through his messy hair, looking away from me, and into the woods on the other side of the school. His breathing slowed down, but his other hand was still clenched into a threatening fist by his side.

“Whatever I do, I hurt you,” I hopelessly said. Maybe it wasn’t the smartest idea. I should have probably kept my mouth shut and waited for him to completely calm down, but the words spilled out of my mouth, unable to stop them. “If I were to be with you, I wouldn’t be yours … I’d be thinking of someone else. You wouldn’t want that, would you? And if I let you go, well, you still hurt. There is no easy way out of this one.” I sighed, quickly assessing the situation. “I will always be here for you, whether you still have a Guardian Angel or not. I will always love you …”

His head perked up, and I saw hope swim across his eyes.

“Just not the way you want me to. We can try to make this work,” I added quickly. With one tentative step forward, I tested the waters. The little bit of hope disappeared completely; his eyes grew steadily red as I closed the distance. A heavy feeling of dread hung all around me. Every fiber in me told me to run away. I couldn’t leave, though. I needed to see it through. When I took a step closer, he took a few steps back.

“That line is as old as time,” he mumbled, looking at the ground sheepishly, although I could tell the blood was boiling within his veins. “I can’t be your friend. Not when I want so much more from you.” He looked at me again, his eyes an unnatural red.

Please don’t make me kill you. I don’t want to have to see this play out again, I thought to myself as I took another step forward, and he automatically moved away. That is, of course, if he didn’t kill me first. Something in him posture changed, the same moment a cold gust of wind blasted all around us.

I stood there, frozen. Waiting.

He was a demon. There was no soul inside of him to tell him what’s right or wrong, yet he hesitated. There was one truth about demons—they had one thing in their mind, and without working on holding it back, it would be what Avan would do.

Kill.

It was kill or be killed by the oak tree where we had our first lunch together almost a year ago. Where we spent so many afternoons laughing and making memories that would now forever haunt me. It was here where we fell in love.

This was it.

One of us would die tonight.

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Thank you so much for taking the time to read the first chapter in the conclusion of the Feathermore Trilogy!

If you are interested in reading more, links are below:

Forevermore (FREE on Kindle Unlimited)

Feathermore Book Bundle (FREE on Kindle Unlimited)